I am thankful for...infertility

I thought I should jump on the bandwagon and list what I am thankful for this holiday. Infertility might seem like a strange thing to list, but what am I if not different?  Many people struggle with this diagnosis on a daily basis.  They often do so in silence. At one point, you could count Amy and me among that number.  Not anymore.

*Hold your horses.  We are not pregnant.*

You can't count us among that number because we don't struggle with it anymore.  Without infertility we would likely not have this lovely young lady in our life.  

Many people long to hold a biological baby in their arms and I do not begrudge them for that.  Not at all.  What I can say is I cannot think of any greater blessing on this earth than to have Natalie Xue Er Hill in our life.  So, on this Thanksgiving, an American holiday that Natalie sees solely as yet another opportunity to run around like crazy with her cousins, I am thankful for failure.  In this National Adoption Month, I am thankful for CCAI, for China opening their borders to this process, for having enough money to pursue our dreams, for a birth mom who (for reasons we will never know) decided she couldn't do it and made a choice tougher than I ever want to know, and most of all, I am thankful for Natalie.

Transitions

Seriously? This is the best we can do? Apologies for the total neglect of the blog. At least those of you on that old social networking site have seen some updates. Here are some of the last few months’ highlights.

Natalie mastered a flip on her own this summer!

Family Day. Lets' start with the most important one. We celebrated two years with Natalie on August 2. The time is flying by, and I can’t believe that the little peanut we brought home wearing size 12 and 18 months wears mostly size 4 now! Check out what a difference two years makes and compare the photos of her on the swing. The recent one was taken on our Family Day. Lately she’s been telling us that she’s glad she has a family. Sweetheart, we’re so glad too.

swing 2010

swing 2012

Dexter. We weren’t looking for a new cat just yet (and I’m fairly certain our calico was just fine being an only cat), but we crossed paths with Dexter and couldn’t pass up giving this little guy a home. Having a nine-week-old kitten and a three-year-old was interesting for a while, but she’s learned to be gentle and he’s big enough now to know when to cut and run. She enjoys using her doctor kit to check his heart and blood pressure, even giving him shots when needed.

Dexter with Adeline making nice for a change

Soccer. Sometime between spring soccer and fall soccer season, it just clicked for Natalie and she began to understand the point of the game. She really enjoyed fall soccer (despite the fact that four out of their six games were at 8:00 a.m. on Saturday mornings—really?), scoring a record six goals during her second game (“I want to score six more!”). We are proud of her efforts and are especially glad there was no “Ring Around the Rosie” on the soccer field this time out. Well, maybe a little of that at practice, but not during games.

Huddle with Coach Baba

Halloween. Like most children, Natalie is enjoying Halloween a little more each year. We hit up our families for treats and then headed to a trunk or treat celebration. Natalie was über excited about the bounce house there, but she barely made it inside before we heard her cries. The other kids actually bounce in there. Yikes! She’s tried to enjoy bounce houses twice this year, with the same result. Our little bumblebee had a “vintage” pumpkin (the one I used as a kid) full of candy, along with a banana and an orange that her grandparents added along with goodies from their candy stash. Most kids like to gorge themselves on their sugar-laden treats, but what do you suppose Natalie chose? One sucker and an orange. This is the same child who, given the choice between broccoli and french fries at a restaurant, actually chose broccoli. Gotta love her.

More pictures for the road...

We get this look a lot.

The summer, so far, in pictures...and a few words.

It is has been a pretty busy summer to this point.  Natalie has gotten to go to Jamaica, the Smoky Mountains, and Mammoth Cave as well as enjoy several family grillings, her second 4th of July as an American, and record heat.  Some might think that last part a joke, but the heat didn't phase her much.  She would have been more than content to play outside if her parents could have tolerated it.

Amongst all those things, the most special part of the summer has been the visit of Marvin, Julia, and Suraiya.  For those who don't know, Marvin and Julia played a very important role in making Natalie who she is today and will be in the future.  They took care of our little girl in China and gave her what we couldn't at the time, love and constant affection.  We will be forever grateful.  It was wonderful to finally meet them in person and share our stories of Natalie with each other.  Some people will say that at age 14 months and younger there is no way Natalie could remember being with them.  They wouldn't say that if they saw how Natalie bonded to them almost immediately after seeing them again.

We love you and miss you already, Manalacs.

Now, loads of pictures.

Home run derby champ

Quick story.  Amy has the great idea of taking Natalie out to the hayfield to grab some photos.  As soon as N gets next to a bale, she starts singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow." She is such her mother's daughter.

Tired of taking pictures yet, Natalie?

Happy Father's Day!

"Mama, I love the mountains."  Yeah, she did.

Loving her Uncle Jason too

BFFs hugging Julia

This is a slightly more appropriate location for  Ring Around the Rosie than the middle of a soccer field.

The dinosaur returns! You go, Suraiya.

  

Glendale misses you.

Family photo

Words cannot express how much I love this picture.

Has it really been two years?

An ordinary Tuesday afternoon became extraordinary on this day in 2010. I was putting away dishes and Stephen was playing a video game in the next room. “Amy,” Stephen said, “I think your phone is ringing.” I reached for it on the desk in our office and noticed the 303 area code, which meant it had to be someone from CCAI. They hadn’t been calling much as we’d been in waiting mode for well over three years, so I was intrigued. Deniece was calling to see whether our immigration paperwork was current, blah, blah, blah. And she had a “cutie” for us to take a look at. Hold the phone. What!? I’d planned for this call. THE CALL. I had a list of questions prepared. Stephen and I were going to hear the news together. I was blindsided, in the best possible way. Heart pounding, hands shaking, I listened intently and took copious notes about little Dang Xue Er (completely unnecessary since all the info was about to be emailed to me, but I needed to do it). Did I run and get Stephen to come listen in? No! I was so busy trying to process what was happening (it was really happening!) that I neglected to bring him into the experience. After finishing the phone call, I tearfully told Stephen that we had a daughter. We were ecstatic that she was only 12 months old and couldn’t wait to see her face. But the files were large and we had trouble getting the email! C’mon, c’mon. . . . Finally, after some back and forth with Deniece, and nearly 40 minutes after we first learned about Xue Er, we saw this face.

And we knew.  

She was our daughter. The one we had been waiting for. All the years of struggle, heartbreak, and disappointment in an instant were exchanged for tears of joy, relief, and sheer bliss.

Then we realized we had to leave in under 30 minutes to go to our foster care training, which we were right in the middle of. (Who cares about completing that right now, I thought. But we followed through and finished our training. I digress.) We quickly went next door to tell Stephen’s parents our news and headed to our class, separately as Stephen actually thought he was going to play in his softball game afterward. I remember that drive to class—I’ve heard people say they were so happy they thought their heart was going to burst, and I experienced it myself for the first time that day. I had no idea how I was going to be able to contain myself during the upcoming two-hours-plus session. How wonderful it was to surprise my family with the news after our class (which we left early, of course). You can plan all you like for how you think events in your life will play out, but as I reflect on my memories of our Match Day, I realize that simply embracing the magic of the moment is the best way to go.

We later discovered a song that captured how we felt:

And I know someday that it'll all turn out
You'll make me work so we can work to work it out
And I promise you, kid, that I'll give so much more than I get
I just haven't met you yet

I might have to wait; I'll never give up
I guess it's half timing and the other half's luck
Wherever you are, whenever it's right
You'll come out of nowhere and into my life

And I know that we can be so amazing
And baby your love is gonna change me
And now I can see every possibility

Natalie is our dream come true, and we can only hope that she’s as proud to be our daughter as we are to be her parents.

Lorna, where are you?

Lorna is the name of our cook at our villa in Jamaica.  It is quite a difficult transition from having three meals a day prepared and laid out for you to cereal and what appears to be a ham and cheese day.  Of course, it is also difficult to return to temperatures roughly the same in KY with no beach view or crystal clear waters to cool you off.

See what I mean?  I love KY and I don't disparage our view, but seriously.  We had an awesome time.  I was going to go with great there, but Amy made me change it.  It really was everything we had hoped for.  Lots of fun on the beach, good food (you can't imagine how fresh Jamaican fruit varies from what we call "fresh" fruit here), very nice locals, fun snorkeling and boogie boarding, very relaxing accommodations, and most of all, great company.  We absolutely want to thank Jamie, Christine, and Olivia for sharing this with us.  We will never forget it.

Try to enjoy the pictures about 1/4 as much as we enjoyed the trip. ;)

Natalie accomplishing her #1 goal

Sandball fighting.

I think both are thinking, "You sure are a messy eater."

Missed her soccer game, but didn't stop playing.

Taking a break

Hollywood